Trust takes years to build, seconds to break

GUEST COLUMN: Dr. N Prabhudev

Bengaluru Express
Bengaluru, March 3:

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none! Simple and profound! It speaks of the importance of love, the necessity of trust, and the moral imperative to refrain from causing harm.
Unconditional love, selective trust, and refrain from doing wrong or inflicting harm!
Love, in its purest form, is a boundless force that transcends boundaries to empathize, respect, and care for others, regardless of their flaws or differences. Trusting too readily can lead to hurt and betrayal. Trust is earned through honesty, integrity, and consistency. It is a fragile entity that requires time and effort to cultivate. The injunction to do wrong and to inflict harm to none is a moral imperative!
Important take away: Always Trust the one who could see three things in you – sorrow behind your smile, and love behind your anger and meaning behind your silence. Once breached, Trust is difficult to repair. It takes years to build and seconds to breach. Trust is the chicken soup of social life. But like chicken soup, its curative powers have been oversold.
We are a “low trust society”?
Our complex rules, the corruption we face, as well as the adversarial relationships between the citizens and the bureaucracy that we have built over time are defining modern India! Modern relationships now operate on what might be called “calculated vulnerability. They practice what might be called “wise compassion” — kindness tempered by discernment, generosity limited by boundaries.
In fractured societies like India, the so-called 80 per cent-plus Hindu majority is a myth. India is a land of significant minorities, not majorities, thanks to strong caste identities. Such societies are characterised by low levels of trust between communities and high levels of conflicts and contempt between the castes!
In India the Trust deficit is universal- in the govt., in the police, in the judiciary, in the media, in the business, in the NGOs and in everything else! Trust in the political system is particularly low. People trust each other less today than ever before.
Why is it that most discussions and negotiations in India commence on the common premises of suspicion and lack of trust? Why is lack of trust so deep-rooted in the Indian culture? It prevails at all levels of the Indian society. We all lie and lie often. Many prefer gentle lies to harsh truths! In God We Trust- In God and apparently little else. Trust is hard to define, but we do know when it’s lost. Trust is feeling safe when vulnerable.
Trust is built over time through consistent actions! You have to be – first and foremost – reliable! One has to be accountable! One of the most valuable assets we can have in life is to be trustworthy. It is worth its weight in gold in friendships, family or business. Trust creates a bond of loyalty that runs deep. It gives you that same bond of loyalty back. It takes time and effort to build trust. It takes going the extra mile to show that you are someone who can be counted on. And unfortunately it can be broken in a split second of doing something to let someone down.
Hypocrisy is nothing new in India. In fact, it is so deeply ingrained in our society and in our individual psyches that it is perceived as the way of our life. Many say it is in the genes!
Hypocrisy unlimited-

We even bribe God! Religion is transactional in India. Indians give God cash and crown and anticipate an out-of-turn reward. Many seem to be rewarded! Corrupt are stigma proof! Indian history tells of the capture of cities and kingdoms after guards were paid off to open the gates, and commanders paid off to surrender. There are no Indians in India, there are Hindus, Christians, Muslims and what not.
We’re All Hypocrites, It’s Just a Matter of Scale. Whereas a degree of hypocrisy is the basis of civilized behaviour. A Hypocrite is a humble character who demonstrates little control over the paradoxical multiplicity of all of his facets. We wear a mask each moment of our life. Hypocrisy has acquired a sense of fluidity.
At its core, hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behaviour does not conform. It’s the classic “Do as I say, not as I do” scenario that we’ve all encountered! In interpersonal relationships, hypocrisy can be a real relationship-wrecker. It can erode trust and respect. This is particularly damaging in close relationships, where authenticity and consistency are often highly valued. The disappointment and sense of betrayal that come with uncovering hypocrisy can strain even the strongest bonds.
I’d guess that, as long as you keep your hypocrisy to small things, 90% of the time it goes unnoticed and relatively unpunished. We all suffer from a positive self-image and are loathe to admit that we at times behave immorally.
We’re not going to stop being hypocrites. But we can at least manage to keep the harm to a minimum. Hypocrisy, it is an art. It is something that has comes innately to Indians. Maybe it is congenital! Maybe it needs a sophisticated Intra uterine correction! Till then enjoy!
Hypocrisy allows you to appear principled without being so. Politicians and government servants seem to have grasped this fact. Betrayal is a deep and complex emotion that can shatter trust and leave scars that last a lifetime. Life is the sum of your choices and Chances and its consequences!
Ever felt the gut-wrenching twist of betrayal! Broken trust is like a shattered mirror! When you completely trust a person you’ll automatically receive one of two things – a friend for life or a lesson for life!

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