We love others too seldom!

GUEST COLUMN: N. Prabhudev

Bengaluru, July 26: Everyone likes to hear those three magical words – I Love You! They make you feel special, wanted, important, and loved. Everyone loves to be loved! We have a parallel need: the need to love and care for others. This desire, it turns out, is just as strong as the need to be loved and nurtured. Caring for others is good for us
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore! Is love an outdated sentiment? This is a statement that has gained traction in recent times. There’s always someone out there who would be better suited for you than your current partner- May be! For me, Love is a timeless emotion! But many believe it has lost its relevance in materialistic society. We begin placing the accumulation of possessions above relationships!
We live in a fallen world, and people are not always warm and loving. Loving and being loved are not ‘givens’. If love is not dead, it is ailing,”! Love can be both resilient and fragile. It dances on the edge of existence, sometimes thriving, other times ailing. Even people we generally like can sometimes be difficult to love.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting and learning. I have had my outlook on a few things change! Many youngsters are staying with men and women with whom they see no real future! They are staying in relationships that are lacking in trust, passion, love, and a real foundation! A Car without fuel- you can stay as long as you want but it’s not going to go anywhere.
Emotional disconnection can lead to profound loneliness. Many singles today are not interested in a relationship. Over the last two decades, expectations have shifted, with fewer and fewer folks considering marriage a necessity for reasons ranging from past traumas to finances and focus on careers. Few prefer non monogamy! Many simply do not want to take on the commitment and responsibility that comes with long-term commitment. Once you’re in a relationship that dopamine excitement fades and eventually stops.
Love is an intricate dance of vulnerability and connection, often leads us into the labyrinth of suffering. But we persist in loving, even when heartbreak awaits! Love and suffering are intertwined. Our lives are littered with broken promises, betrayals, and human fallibility. Loving others is not about liking everyone we meet; it is about putting the needs of others before our own, valuing their inherent worth and acting for their benefit.
Saying ‘I love you’ freely and confessing it often reduces its value. It would no longer be powerful and magical. Keep it magical and right on time! Keep the fights Clean and passion dirty!!
Love is often the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old. Love is not guaranteed! It doesn’t come with a hallmark of quality, integrity and its longevity! The innate insecurity of love, rather perversely, is what makes it so desirable and why it is so powerful.
Love, in its most genuine form, is not just an emotion or a fleeting moment of passion. It is a force that encompasses understanding, empathy, sacrifice, and connection. Real love is very different than all of its disguises. Falling in love is an unconscious act. It just, more or less, happens! Being in love is different from just loving someone – Feelings are much less intense than those of being in love.
Romantic love declines with age. We now know better. Older people are often happier and more satisfied with their lives than youngsters – Peacefulness and serenity over excitement and passion.
Love heals, and it does. Love makes you feel chosen and desirable. For some it is a seductive disappointment, meant to tease, promise, and then disappear. Love is fragile when ignored and needs to be protected to survive and nurtured to thrive. It Waxes and Wanes. It can be overwhelmingly present and then elusively quiet. If not honoured, it dies. Many people spend their entire lives on a quest for it!
It’s hard to like people when we don’t feel valued by them. In fact feeling valued is the number-one thing people look for in people before loving! Often, what goes under the name of love has little to do with love. The word ‘love’ has become a misunderstood word. The first duty of love is to listen. I am struck by its simplicity. And yet, even in its simplicity, it is a rare thing today-To listen.
Fall in love with someone who cares, communicates, and understands you. A partner who helps, guides, and provides support, through thick and thin. Fall in love with someone who misses you and wants to be with you, always. Don’t settle for less than what’s a perfect fit for your heart.

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