Letting Go of the Need To Be Liked!

Bengaluru Express
Bengaluru, Nov. 1:
On the surface, wanting to be liked seems harmless—even admirable. But over time, when it becomes a compulsive habit – it comes with serious emotional consequences! Letting go of the need to be liked isn’t easy—but it is liberating. We often find ourselves entangled in the web of what others think about us! You cannot control what others think about you, no matter how hard you try. It’s a losing battle!
I am aware that I am not the most likable person for quite a few! I will be honest- It stung me more than I expected! At first I brushed it off and I decided
If I am liked – well and good!
If I am not- equally well and good!
We Want to Be Liked even by People We Don’t Like! It’s irrational. It’s frustrating. But it’s also completely human. We are born to Belong. Desire to be liked is natural! A smile becomes attractive. A frown becomes disapproval.
And yet, for days I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I found myself rerunning every interaction in my head. What did I do? Was it something I said? Was I too much? Not enough? Did I forget a thank-you? Did I overstep? Did I under-impress? Am I annoying? Answer- There it was, the itch of people-pleasing, flaring up like a rash!
We’re taught to be agreeable, Cooperative, Helpful, Polite and Nice.” – Oh, how I loathe that word! From elementary school to the boardroom, likability is served to us as currency. And heaven forbid I have often come off as “difficult,” “bossy,” or “too much”.
But I have often been rewarded for being assertive and even aggressive. Nobody batted an eye when I ruffled feathers—because of leadership – when I was the director of a prestigious super speciality hospital and a Vice chancellor of a prestigious university! I was indeed a little rough around the edges.
Let’s talk about this straight: people-pleasing is a gendered trap. Being liked and being respected are not the same thing. Being liked is about seeking approval. Being respected is about earning trust! And leadership— is to lead! It is not making everyone comfortable. It’s built on clarity, conviction, and a willingness to disappoint people who were never rooting for you in the first place.
There’s a difference between wanting to be liked and needing to be liked. You can want to be liked without altering who you are. But when you need to be liked you’re at risk of altering who you are and how you behave in order to be liked. I believe that the desire to be loved and liked is the source of fear and pain. The desire to be loved is not easy to drop, it is anchored inside us!
People-pleasing – Raised in an era of social media validation, one has been conditioned to seek approval through metrics—Subscribes, likes, shares and comments. This constant feedback loop creates an inner pressure to perform, to be “pleasant,” and to avoid conflict at all costs. You are wearing a mask all the time! It can be exhaustive! You stand to lose your own identity! But relationships based on appeasement aren’t real intimacy. True connection thrives on honesty and harmony. Value honesty and be trustworthy!
You want to say NO but you say ‘yes’! May be you feel guilty for saying no! Your confidence should not depend on others applause or just being agreeable! Learn to Say no without guilt. If you always try to please – You will be taken for granted!
People-pleasing creates fractured emotional boundaries! You become easy to guilt-trips, hard to trust your own voice! You suppress your anger, anxiety, and may even get into depression! You struggle to express disagreement out of fear!
Agreeing to disagree – isn’t about becoming rude or cold. It’s about becoming authentic. Say ‘no’ if you have to! Not being a favourite may be uncomfortable—but it’s not dangerous. The discomfort passes. The world doesn’t end. Start by tolerating small moments of social friction. They build resilience.
Move through life without anxiety! Build relationships that are rooted in mutual respect. Say “no” to People-pleasing. Be real. That’s where your peace begins. Freeing yourself from what others think about you is a powerful journey toward self-empowerment and authenticity. Live Free. Love Life. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!